Watercooler Sensation

Read Once For Instant Popularity

Attack of the Cannibal Polar Bears

• The newest brutal byproduct of global warming: Cannibal Polar Bears. [AP]
• A new study has found warmer temperatures near the southern Beaufort Sea mean longer seasons without ice. Longer seasons without ice mean polar bears can’t access their natural food. And that means they are eating one another.
• The first ever recorded instance of bear cannibalism happened in January 2004. A male bear killed a smaller, lighter female, dragged her 245 feet away, then ate her.
• All total, there were 3 recorded instances of bear cannibalism between January-April 2004.

Gives new meaning to the term “grisly bears.”

It’s Official, Reality TV Has Gone Too Far: Cats Compete in New Show

• Here’s one show your TiVo can skip. Animal Planet is set to air a show about 10 cats in New York who will compete for the titles of “Best Sleeper” and “Best Mouse Catcher.” Honestly. [AP]
• The good news: the 10 contestants have been chosen from shelters around the country.
• The show’s format will be Survivor-esque. Each day, viewers are asked to vote off one feline challenger, who will then be adopted into permanent homes.
• But wait, there’s more. The cats will be housed in a storefront along Madison Avenue. Each kitty will live in a “luxuriously outfitted cat-sized house that includes scaled-down sofas, beds, a fish tank (with fake fish), kitchen and a porch, all put together by an interior designer.”
• The kicker: the top cat will be hired by cat food producer Meow Mix as “Feline Vice President of Research and Development,” responsible for taste testing and product feedback.

We can hear it now: “This is the true story, of 10 cats...”

Start Looking for Houses on Mars: Hawking Says Space Colonies Needed for Survival

• On Tuesday, famous astro-physicist Stephen Hawking said that the survival of the human race depends on finding homes elsewhere in the universe — because mankind is going to destroy Earth. [AP]
• Hawking sited global warming as one of the possible causes for Earth’s destruction.
• According to the scientist, colonies could be set up on the moon in as soon as 20 years — and on Mars within 40 years.
• Has Dr. Hawking got you worried about global warming? Yeah, us too. But that doesn’t mean all hope’s lost. For more information on a cleaner, more efficient fuel alternative, check out www.kicktheoilhabit.org

We’ve got our eye on some choice lunar-crater-front property. Sweet.

Webby Award 5-Word Acceptance Speeches

• The Webby Awards were held this week, with honors going to the best, most creative, most interesting websites. Winners had to give acceptance speeches in 5 words are less. [Editor and Publisher]
• Ariana Huffington, best political blog: “Darlings, make blog. not war.”
• ESPN: “Sports, pornography, sports, pornography, sports.”
• The fashion site Style: “Does this go with Manolos?”
• People’s Choice award MotherJones.com: “Liberals have mojo; we win.”

Very funny, witty winners. Jealous.

By the Numbers

You’re a grand ol’ flag, you’re a high flyin’ flag! That’s right ladies and gents, it’s flag day. Here are the numbers behind the Red, White and Blue.

1777

The Continental Congress resolves that the “flag of the United States be thirteen stripes, alternate red and white; that the union be thirteen stars, white in a blue field, representing a new constellation.”

1923

The United States Flag Code is adopted, detailing flag protocol. In other words: don’t let it touch the ground.

13

The number of times the American flag is to be folded. The final shape is said to invoke the image of the three pointed hat, which was popular during the American Revolution.

50

The number of U.S. flags that — by Congressional order — are to be displayed continuously surrounding the Washington Monument in Washington, DC.

26

The number of changes that American flag has gone through since its creation.

[Snaps to Wikipedia for the facts. We love you guys a little more each day.]

Celebrities: Unfiltered

Thanks to her blasting of 9/11 widows, conservative banshee Ann Coulter has been getting her fair share of air time. Thankfully, Christ Matthews and the rest of the team MSNBC have gotten to the root of Coulter’s — namely, her looks. See the full exchange below.

CHRIS MATTHEWS: Do you find her physically attractive, Tucker?

TUCKER CARLSON: I’m not going to answer that, because the answer, I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings. That’s not the point.

CHRIS MATTHEWS: Positively.

RITA COSBY: Don’t ask me that question.

CHRIS MATTHEWS: Mike, do you want to weigh in here as an older fellow. Do you find her to be a physically attractive woman?

MIKE BARNICLE: I’m too old to be doing that. I had enough fights in my life.

CHRIS MATTHEWS: OK, Rita, do you find her to be a physically attractive woman?

RITA COSBY: I’ll throw it back to you, Chris, do you find her attractive?

CHRIS MATTHEWS: You guys are all afraid to answer. No, I find her—I wouldn’t put her—well, she doesn’t pass the Chris Matthews test.

[Jossip]

Speed Round

TOXIC FOOD

KFC sued for trying to kill us. (PSA: The KFC three-piece Extra Crispy combo meal has 15 grams of trans fat. That’s more trans fat than any human body should consume in an entire week.) [ABC]

BOOZE

Drink too much? Have a cup of joe! Study shows coffee combats cirrhosis of the liver. [CBS]

SPORTS

Johnny Law catches up with yet another Duke athlete; hoops star JJ Redick gets DUI.[CBS]

VERY OLD MAN

Japan’s oldest man dies at age 111. [CBS]

TRAGEDY

Old #1 Sunbathing Worry: Tan lines. New #1 Sunbathing Worry: Getting run over, killed by beach patrol. [CNN]

MOVIES

Perfect casting: Paramount to make movie from creepy musical Sweeney Todd directed by master Tim Burton, possibly starring Johnny Depp. [CNN]

SHARK TALES

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water! New species of hammerhead discovered off the coast of South Carolina. [AP]

CELEBRITY

Chip off the Nacho Libre block: Jack Black and wife have a baby boy. [CNN]

CELEBRITY

Daryl Hannah removed from tree. [LA Times]

CELEBRITY

Eminem has gun, will travel. No, really.

BRITNEY

Oops, she did it again. And again. And again. In fact, Ms. Spears can’t stop manhandling her baby. [The Deadbolt]

BEST.QUOTE.EVER.

Fox News’s Shepard Smith calls our favorite Destiny’s Child “Bouncy Knowles.” Like, a lot.