Watercooler Sensation

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Breaking News: Americans Are Fat

• Note to self: Put. The. Gravy. Down. Turns out that — across the entire country — waistlines are continuing to grow. [AP]
• Since last year, a whopping (yes, pun intended) 31 states have shown an increase in obesity rates.
• You’ve heard about it — now understand it. What exactly does it mean to be obese? The goverment “equates obesity with a body mass index, or BMI, of at least 30. Someone who is 5-feet-4 would have to weigh 175 pounds to reach that threshold.”
• Mississippi weighed in as the heaviest state, with an estimated 29.5 percent of adults there are considered obese. That’s a 1.1% increase from last year.
• The leanest state was Colorado. About 16.9 percent of its adults are considered obese. And we’re guessing that’s not because of the rocky mountain oysters.

That ain’t baby fat, that’s just fat, baby.

Dream Come True: Commuter Gets To Blow Up Bridge From Hell

• Think your commute is bad? Consider this. Maryland officials issued a contest to see which driver had the worst commuting experience crossing the Woodrow Wilson Bridge. And the guy who had a pitchfork crash through his windshield didn’t win. [FOX News]
• Who did win? Dan Ruefly, who for 28 years, has left his Maryland home at 5 a.m. to beat peak rush hour on the bridge that crosses over the Potomac River between Maryland and Virginia.
• Why’d he win? At one point, Ruefly crashed full-speed into a stopped tractor-trailer that couldn’t pull over because the bridge has no shoulders. Ruefly crushed his hip — an injury that’s still causing him pain today.
• Tell him what he’s won! As winner of the “worst commute” challenge, Ruefly got to detonate the bridge early on Tuesday morning. That’s right — he got to blow it up. Ah, sweet satisfaction.
• And can you blame him? “Since its debut, the old bridge has carried more than 73 billion vehicles over the Potomac. Problems were frequent; in the late 1980s and early 1990s the drawspan frequently got stuck in the open position, causing massive traffic jams.”
• The Woodrow Wilson Bridge will be replaced with two new six-lane bridges, which are expected to open in 2008.

Now *that* is satisfaction.

Is Our Children Learning? SAT Records Biggest Score Drop in 31 Years

• Just one more reason for high school students to fear the dreaded SATs: the College Board announced that the Class of 2006 recorded the biggest drop in test scores in 31 years. [USA Today]
• But who’s to blame? The Class of ‘06 was the first class to take the new version of the SAT, which now includes an essay portion. Also, the new test includes higher level mathematics, and eliminates those dreaded analogies. At the end of the day, the test takes three hours and forty-five minutes to complete — and that’s not including breaks.
• Experts say that the changes in the test most likely affected how students approach it — and thus, the scores.
• Behind the numbers: The average critical reading score fell from 508 to 503, while math dropped from 520 to 518. On the new SAT writing section, the class scored 497 on average, with girls scoring 11 points higher than boys.
• Interesting: the Class of 2006 posted the biggest increase in ACT scores. In case you forgot: the ACT is the SAT’s rival college entrance exam. While the SAT focuses more on general ability, the ACT focuses specifically on materials most likely learned inside the classroom.

The SAT still gives us chills. We’re glad those days are behind us.

By the Numbers

By now, David Letterman and Paul Schaffer are, well, like family. To celebrate one of the kings of late night, here’s a by the numbers look at The Late Show with David Letterman. [IMDB]

28

The total number of people who have guest-hosted for Letterman.

1

The number of people who have subbed for Letterman due to a non-related absence. The lucky guy was Tom Arnold.

58 Degrees

The temperature that is kept (at Letterman’s request) in the studio where the Late Show is filmed.

13.5 Million

The number of viewers who tuned in to watch Oprah’s appearance on the Late Show on December 1, 2005.

4.3 Million

The average number of viewers who usually tune in to Letterman’s broadcast.

Celebrities: Unfiltered

“I mean, once guys get married, then they`re thinking, you know, there`s no reason for me to eat salad anymore. She`s legally bound to have sex with me now.”

— Glen Beck, discussing salads, obesity, and marriage. [Jossip]

Speed Round

AUDIO — KYRA PHILLIP’S HOT MIC

Talk about “oops.” CNN Live’s Kyra Phillip was caught criticizing her sister in-law on air during President Bush’s Katrina Anniversary speech. And we’ve got the audio to prove it. Our favorite part: “He’s married, three kids. But his wife is just a control freak.”

CLOWNS

We’ve never felt so sorry for a clown before. In Ireland, a hot-air balloon caught on fire during a circus stunt, killing a clown acrobat. Worse: dozens of kids were watching. [AP]

IRONY

Researchers find that sunscreen may leave skin more vulnerable. To UV rays. [CBC]

CANADIANS

Funny, eh? Canadian Prime Minister to appear on a popular sitcom as a cameo. [CBC]

BIG BABIES

Brazillian mother gives birth to 14 pound baby, mistakes it for giant watermelon. [AP]

BE THANKFUL

Jessica Simpson has been ordered on “vocal rest.” [AP]

U.S. OPEN

Got tickets? Be ready to get mad. Rain delays second day of tennis match-ups. [AP]

CELEBRITY CRIMINALS

Note to self: do *not* interfere with Foxy Brown when she’s gettin’ her nails did. Rap star charged with assault at salon. [AP]

EVERYDAY HEROES

We love him, they hate him: mail man suspended for giving people advice on how to deal with junk mail. [Reuters]

ITALIANS

Because a real life, Italian version of Bonnie and Clyde is exactly what the world needs. [Reuters]

YOU GO, GIRL

Calling all Svetlanas: Russia is out to create its first women-only police unit. Why? Women are less corrupt than men. [Reuters]

BIPARTISANSHIP

Democratic activist receives bone marrow transplant from a Republican. See? We really can all be friends. [USA Today]

RELIGION

Honestly. When will people learn? Do not put porn in your coworker’s bible. You’ll get sued. [Kansas City.com]

THE OTHER HURRICANE

Forget Ernesto. A super typhoon is headed for U.S. territories in the Pacific. [AP]

JOHN MICHAEL KARR

Creepy: John Michael Karr. Creepier: the thought of Johnny Depp playing John Michael Karr. [Defamer]

DRUGS

Fark says it best: Bong hits for Jesus goes to “high” court. [CNN via Fark]

FREAKISH AGRICULTURE

Man and son raise 252 pound watermelon. In other news, we’re still sitting on our couch watching The Simple Life. [ABC]